Here With You
by DeansGirl1983
Summary: Set at the beginning of Season Nine. The plane has crashed and now the group is dealing with the aftermath. While I admire Meredith's strength in the face of what has happened, I always wondered how she would react differently in dealing with the trauma. Can Meredith face her demons? Reviews are more than welcome! This is my first Grey's fan fic and I look forward to writing more


**I am a latecomer to Grey's Anatomy but really enjoy the series! This is my first fanfic for the show. Positive critiques/reviews are welcome! I just finished season 8 and am currently into season 9 so this is set at the beginning of the ninth season. I hope you enjoy!**

 _She couldn't find him. He was lost. Dead. Gone. She was alone. But not really alone._

" _Meredith, I need you to help me," Christina said but her voice was muffled, underwater._

 _Maybe she was drowning again. But this place had no water. Not that she had found; not that she could see. Just woods. Just miles and miles of woods._

 _And no Derek._

 _She couldn't breathe. She couldn't move. She couldn't function._

" _Meredith, snap out of it! Help me," Christina snapped. She was shaking her violently and Meredith blinked and focused in on her best friend whose eyes were wild, her teeth bared and her face pale._

" _Christina," Meredith croaked._

" _Don't fall apart on me," Christina said, "I need you to help me."_

" _Derek…"_

" _Is missing, I know! We will find him. Do you hear me? But first, you have to help me with Lexie. Do you understand? I need you to help your sister."_

 _Lexie._

 _Derek._

" _I have to find Derek." Meredith struggled weakly in Christina's grip and her eyes glazed over again._

 _Derek._

 _Oh God._

 _She couldn't live without Derek._

" _Derek!"_

 _Meredith began to scream._

She awoke screaming.

Meredith sat up in bed, her chest heaving, her skin soaked with sweat. The alarm was blaring on the nightstand. Zola was crying. Derek was gone.

No, not gone. In the shower. The shower was abruptly shut off and the bathroom door flung open.

"Meredith?" Derek stood there clad in only a towel, water dripping from his hair and glistening on his skin. He wasn't lost. He was alive. Meredith felt her breathing slow; her racing heart began to calm down and she pushed her hair back away from her face and drank in the sight of him.

"Are you all right?" Derek's eyes were filled with concern.

"I'm fine," She said. She flung back the blanket and got out of bed, trying to hide the fact that she was trembling.

"Finish your shower," Meredith assured him, "Everything is okay." She went over to Zola's crib and picked up the toddler who immediately stopped crying once she was nestled in her Mama's arms. Out of the corner of her eye, Meredith saw him disappear back into the bathroom. Only then did she give into her weakness and sag onto the edge of the bed with Zola in her arms. Meredith closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The dreams were becoming more frequent, more real and it was getting harder to hide them from her husband.

She sat there on the edge of the bed, thankful that Zola wasn't opposed to snuggling and cuddled her child close to her chest while she tried to calm herself down.

It had been three weeks since the accident. Three weeks since they had been rescued from the wilderness after their plane had crashed. Three weeks since Christina had become catatonic, Arizona had lost her leg, Mark was currently in a coma and Lexie had died.

Three weeks since Derek had surgery on his hand. Would he be able to pick up a scalpel again and be one of the country's top Neurosurgeon's? Only time would tell. Time. That is what the group of doctors had been told for three weeks now. Everything would take time. Healing would take time. The investigation would take time. Time.

But as their time went on, Meredith was beginning to feel worse. The nightmares she was plagued with nearly every night were getting worse. Mark was getting worse. Lexie being dead was worse. Christina was worse. The fear of her husband never being able to operate again was worse.

Meredith had tried to be stoic, brave in the midst of the trauma they had all endured and it had worked for a while. But she was fading. She was losing her grip on reality and stress, fear and heartache were beginning to win.

She was terrified.

And she didn't know what to do about it. To confess her feelings to Derek when he needed her to be strong would be unfair. He needed her to lean on right now. She owed him that and more.

She couldn't talk to her best friend because Christina wasn't speaking to anyone. So she went at it alone. Doing her best. Pushing down the grief, the agony and putting one foot in front of the other. She would get through this; she would be there for her husband and her best friend. She would be there for Zola. She would be fine.

"I'm fine," Meredith whispered.

She only wished she believed it.


End file.
